Go through the motions of getting ready, interrupted by bouts of sadness that knock you sideways, and get yourself to college.
You tell your nearest friend first - now it's out there and real.
The hard part. Someone asks about the two of you not knowing and you just break down.
You have managed to keep it in. Not any more.
"Oh my god... Come here have a hug...are you alright?...what happened?...let it all out"
My next piece advice; and one that will come back time and time again in this journey, is if you don't have the strength to pick yourself up - borrow it from friends. Use the hugs, the knowing looks and the silences they create for you, to release all your feelings into. Because even if they haven't had this happen to them, they just know what to do.
Some told me that it was brave to go to college the day after it ended, I disagree, it was 100% vital that I was not alone for that first few days. I recommend that if you go through this, you need to let your life continue and try as much as possible to fill the void that presents itself.
You will, unfortunately, dwell on the pain when you are on your own. And I found that there are actually lots of times in normal life when you are alone. However when I was with friends or even forced to think about Chaucer for a couple of hours, it was enough to distract the mind, even for just a short while.
I also want to take this moment to thank my friends and family for all the tears and pain they absorbed on my behalf, thank you for all the kindness that you had no idea was so important to me then and thank you for not expecting me to "just get over it".
It was the first 48 hours after where the love that surrounded me protected me from imploding completely. It was set to not always be that plain sailing, but looking back I know how important it was to me not to feel totally alone in the scary world...
Next time is the first bump in the road, when the isolation set in...
Until then, I'm hear if you need me. You are more than welcome to my strength if you can't find any of your own.
Love,
Amber xx
