Explosion - that moment when everything shatters

In that moment when the glass shatters, your world just stops.

I remember feeling sick; feeling angry and feeling terrified. 

Confusion is an understatement. 

As they sit in front of you, you no longer recognise their face. As far as you know they are an alien that has torn your heart into pieces. 

There can be a reason; but trust me knowing the reason doesn't make it any easier to swallow. 

When they leave; if you haven't already; you breakdown. 

I don't think I have ever cried as much as I did. And I sobbed and sobbed. I couldn't even stand.

I have cried a lot at death but death is very final, and I at least have always been able to pick myself up after death. But at this moment that my heart literally broke - the pain was so real I thought I had been stabbed. 

The initial few hours felt like days themselves. I am pretty sure I cried myself to sleep.... 

Considering I am looking back at this moment over a year and a half later, forgive me if my memories are hazy of those first few hours. I have summarised them into these sentences and I think my head is saving me from reliving it over and over again, which is a blessing. 

Did I know it was coming? Earlier on that week I had a feeling and I am pretty sure I knew what was coming - something inside of me just didn't feel right any more. My first piece of advice is if you feel something act on it - trust yourself. 

Could I have prevented my heart break? No. I was in love and you see the world through rose tinted glasses, I didn't think it would happen. 

Will I ignore my head again? No. But this pain taught me a lot about myself, including that I should trust my instincts and that I maybe psychic. I can't say I recommend it but it is a good thing to learn and how you come out the other side is more important but I guess that's why I am writing these posts.

If you understand me at all then I am very sorry...but we are not alone.

The next day (this event happening on a Monday) I got up, got dressed and went to college, don't ask me how - you'll have to wait until the next post. 

Luv,

Amber xx

The Relationship Bomb: The Break and the Aftermath - A Series...

Dear Readers,

I started this blog a few years ago in order to impart some advice that my friend at the time told me was blog worthy. It was relationship advice, and at the time, I was talking as an external observer; to put it simply; I was and always had been...single. 

The caveat to this was that I had actually been in love; that good'old unrequinted kind that repeatedly kicks you in the heart until you can move on; which is hard when you only move on from your own feelings and not someone else's betrayal of them. Maybe I will write my next post after these about it. 

Anyway I digress; this post is heartbreak 101 from the initial bomb drop on your life as you know it to the place where at least I am now the 18 months on stage.

I will stop where I am now as I no longer consider myself broken - I had my heart  broken yes but I feel like I have recovered now; and this post is my manual which at least I followed and what I did to mend my heart and I hope it will be helpful to you all.

A note to my readers who haven't had a relationship heartbreak; the stages of losing a partner are very similar to the stages of grief over a loved one I have found so they may help you too; also if you ever have to break up with someone this may also affect your heart too and I guess you can see it from the other side - this is not meant to make anyone feel bad however; relationships do have to end no matter what sometimes; but I will come to that in a later post.

This post will form the overview of the next few posts and unfortunately I can't give you a regular schedule as these need to come from my heart at the moment they do; I want them to be as honest as I can be. But I hope you stick around and I see you soon.

Love as always,

Amber x