Reality...

Hey,

Basically this post is very honest and I hope some people will get something out of this about relationships and the messy bits in-between like and love.

More and more I talk to girls who are having trouble with the guys in their lives while my guy friends are having their cake and eating it with no love lost against them. Also girls we are not perfect, sometimes I weep thinking about how the guys are following what they read off of the girls signals sent out into the universe. It's become such an issue that I had to put something into words.

Firstly, the whole idea of a relationship in the traditional sense seems to have vanished into the abyss along with respect for each other and general classiness.

Personally I don't see the appeal of being a serial player and always be cautious of getting entangled with one for two main reasons: firstly because if the signs aren't written in neon above their heads you could end up as a other woman/man in a relationship with them (don't expect to told be told upfront about the deal either) and secondly its not great to be the shield for people to hide their dirty laundry behind - e.g. "I was with them and our friends all night baby, I wasn't cheating on you don't worry" (however, non judgemental friendship is fine because hey you love your friends no matter what and you can't make a leopard change its spots).

Also, since when did having nothing to talk about ever be a good grounding for anything even slightly relationshippy. For me the thought of even just dating someone who I can't hold more than a five minute conversation with is mind boggling let alone going further than that! It's as if we have gone backwards, not to the era of courtship and relationships that are based on romance, but to the lets just procreate as that is apparently all we are good for! (especially the youth but that's for another blog). Just be careful readers please, please - don't just be with someone to say you are in a relationship even though you have nothing in common or do stuff with people you don't know, it's not just abusing your heart and body, it's wasting it, as you may not be prepared when the right person comes along.

So I guess the main message is pick what you want in your partner and don't settle for less, if you want thrills and no attachment fine but be honest with all involved, and if you want someone to watch your fave team with you, take you to your favourite gallery or simple sit with you while you look at the stars, go for it, if it means your single for a few years who cares, it's you happiness and well being at stake.

N.B. today I am literally spouting cringy-at-times romantic stuff - that last bit was borderline.

Luv,

Amber xx♥

Modern Fairy Tales

Hey,

I think I got it wrong when I wrote about fairytales in the past.

I recently watched Pretty Woman and it taught me that life is not like fairy stories, what can start out as perfect planning can twist and turn until you end up falling in love with Richard Gere and have him buying you Cartier diamonds. In the film Julia Roberts character starts as a call girl wearing a cut out dress and a wig and, like a butterfly, transforms into this goddess with red curls and sophistication in spades. But there are moments of the film as the two fall in love that are very realistic despite the chick flick visage.

Firstly, he insults her and kinda acts like a jerk. We can all relate to the moment when she can barley look him in the eye. But like all good fights, the making up is worth making her stay with him because she knows that he is not really like that. Secondly, when she realises she doesn't fit in she attempts to learn but in reality the thing that makes her stand out is the reason he loves her, whether it's her unruly nature or her infectious laugh, and its important to learn not to hide the things that make you you, especially on dates. Finally, the moment where he wakes up and smells the coffee and runs into her arms and she says that the princess in the fairy tales saved the knight right back after he saves her, sounds like something we should all listen to because modern romance is not like the 1950's although that is not always a good thing.

Think about it, in the film, Julia's character is very forward and very strong. She always takes charge of the situation and it allows her to at least start the ball rolling on her quest for love. I therefore believe now that although men should always show their keenness by how much they pursue a relationship with you, there is an opportunity for women to take control and look for potential wherever they are because with potential something may become more than that and surprise you, its not like every man in your life is a potential match but they could steer you in the right direction.

I hope this gives you a bit of confidence maybe to take control of your love life.


Luv,

Amber xx

Romance Hides, Its a simple matter of finding it.

Hey guys,

So I've been a bit unwell recently so have been catching up on all the chick flick television and movies that made me fall in love with romance in the first place and so despite my absence I am back.

This is actually a very easy one for me to write now that I am maturing a bit, or growing into my ears as my mum calls it.

So basically many people write in lonely hearts columns and look on the internet for love thinking that is some rarity that only the lucky find, but I am a big believer that all it takes is a bit of confidence and Cupid's arrows are metaphorically drawn to you. Some people are missing a rather large trick that I will let you all in to now. Socialising. We live our lives at work or on the internet and life has become rather desensitized and that kills romance. Long gone are the days of it being cool to join a club - most people join as couples if they do and humanity expects love to move on to the web as we have. But as I have said before, the key to love is chemistry (maybe biology for good measure) and without organic chemistry of other humans love stands at poor odds of success.

My tip for anyone is to engage in conversation with the person who you see everyday in the office but have never spoken to. Join clubs and talk, meet as many new people as you can. Somewhere amongst the many people who may pass you by, there may be a firm friend, or a new love. It's essentially primary school playground theorem; when you were younger in the playground, you would see a new person and chat and before long you would be friends. That's how I met Lily and over time we have become the best of friends - she is like a sister I never had. It's the same with joining a club or working in an office, you will only make friends if you talk, don't think just adding them on Facebook is enough, with the occasional poke as a sign of friendship.

To put it plainly, Romeo and Juliet were of rival households and would of never met if Romeo hadn't snuck into the the party and, blinded by her beauty, spoke to her. The same for Aphrodite and her many human lovers, she was a goddess and it was definitely hard to win her over but most wouldn't just bump into her in the street.

So romance is hiding in plain sight, now go hunt it down, be bold, have nothing to fear.

All it takes is a hello to the right person.

Luv, Amber xx♥

Don't ever let your light fade...

Hey guys,

Life is really quiet strange sometimes. I remember starting secondary school and thinking what the hell am I going to do here? Now I am sitting with that part of my life closely finishing and I am looking back and thinking did I make an impact? Gandhi once said "Everything you do in life is insignificant, but it's important you do it" and every time I have to ask myself why? I remember it and think it's what I have to do.  I am an enigma in a world full of people trying to find a purpose for their lives because I know I have a purpose, I just need it to find me. Every choice I have made was for a reason and I am not going to stop now. Just because I am ever more looking towards a path that I should follow is no reason for me to change. I have to choose the four subjects that will change my life and I have looked at Uni's and decided amongst the amass that is my future I can see myself in a few certain situations and I know the subjects I want to take to get myself there, its better to work backwards from the goal to the start than to run into a wall you wern't expecting. My mind may change and I have made room for that - being the sensible girl I am. It helps to roughly know yourself by now.

So Four subjects, Two years, 3 A2 Levels and 1 As, a potential end destination, all starts with the boxes I tick and the T's I cross.

Its surreal.

Amongst my many years however, I have always been a certain person, though slightly evolved. My personality is my light, and although in dark times it has been slightly dimmed, I have always tried to be true to myself, because if you can't do that then you can't be true to anyone else. And I urge all of you who reads this, whoever you are and whatever age, never let your light fade. Its the best part of you, it makes people want to be with you, it makes people love you, it makes people care. The world is a dark place but let yourself be the beacon that guides others out of it. Don't stand in someone else's shade because it's easier to let them shine. You can be brighter than the sun, or the stars, or the supernova's and that's supposed to be pretty bright according to current science!

Being true can seem like a minefield if you are trying to find yourself, trust me, but all you need is your heart, your light is shining from there. If you are struggling surround yourself with your friends lights and they will guide you because:

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try and fix you...."

Lots of love guys,

Amber xx